Author: Marta Reder, Prirodoslovna škola Vladimira Preloga, Zagreb
There she was again: new place, new house, new people. A new identity. She changed like seasons did. Every few months she would become someone else, someone no one knew. She would change her address and meet new people. She would fall in love and forget. She was like a wind, no one could catch her. And she loved it, she loved every little bit of it. Every day was something new, something exciting. And every new day was a mystery because she didn’t know where she might end up. Traveling was the fun part, meeting new people was something she was good at but changing identity was her favorite. She would change names and they went from Anna to Jessie to Zoe. One day she would be twenty five years old and the next day she was thirty two. Something about changing who you were was so appealing to her.
When she was a kid, she used to introduce herself differently every time. Everyone thought it was strange but she loved it. Once she went away with her parents and told everyone her name was something she came up with in that exact moment and that was the moment she knew it was destined. It was destined for her to be different, free and nameless. If you ask her for her real name, she won’t tell you because she can’t remember it. The only thing she remembers from her childhood were her parents, not her name or birthday, sometimes she can’t even remember her birth year.
The best part of it is that she was never lonely. She was alone but never lonely. Her mind was taking her to places she has never seen before and once her mind decided where it wanted to go, her body would listen. That was how it worked. She alone, with just a map and a new identity in her hands.
One thing she always liked was changing her hair style and clothing and, of course, her name. Sometimes she would sit and think of a new name, the same name was never used more than once. It depended on which country she would visit. Consequently, her life was a lie and a lot of acting. She would be someone until she became someone else. But there was something she has never understood, and it’s called virtual identity. She never understood how it worked because in her case, it was simple. It was just a new ID, plane ticket and some pocket money, she didn’t need anything more than that while people on the Internet changed their names only to talk to strangers. She didn’t see any fun in that because she knew that that was not the way to explore the world and meet real people. To her, everything on Internet seemed fake, it was like twisted reality. She couldn’t understand why people were sitting in front of computer thinking of a fake facebook or Instagram name while she was there living her life with new identity almost every month.
It was all fun until one day she couldn’t remember where she came from. That was the moment it hit her. She didn’t belong anywhere. A few months ago she didn’t want to belong, she couldn’t bare being tied to one place only, she was as free as a bird. But things changed. She needed her name, her home and her people. She needed her parents and photos of her childhood. She needed her birth year and her real identity. How did that happen all of a sudden? It was a simple sentence that she has overheard somewhere. It went something like this: You can change your name, your age and your look but what you can’t change is what’s on the inside. Those few simple words changed her life completely. Her heart skipped a bit and her mind said: HOME.
Home is something she has never had. Since she was little, her mind was flying from place to place, from one thought to another, it was never in one place. Now it came back. All she could hear in her head was a word home. While she was watching a city that was becoming smaller and smaller from her plane window, she thought about home and her real identity.
‘’Home is somewhere we belong to. And identity is something we all have but only a few of us know what it really means. We can hide behind blond or black hair and behind green or brown eyes. We can hide behind fake name on ID and fake picture on facebook but those things are not who we are. We can change everything about ourselves but never our soul. What we have on the inside is the only thing that matters’’, she pondered.
Those were her last thoughts before landing in the place that was close to her heart because that was where it all started. Her adventures started there, her first broken heart was there and most importantly, people who cared so much about her were there. They waited all this time for her to come back and there she was, standing in front of her front door, waiting to come inside to tell everyone that she’s back. She was back without fake identities, just her heart and soul, just her.
But, was it her real home? Wasn’t there a hedge before? And a shed in the garden? And those people that really resembled her parents, were they her parents or has she landed in somebody else’s home by chance? It didn’t matter.
Every time she thinks of going away again, she remembers that simple sentence that turned her whole world around. It’s not the name that matters, what’s important is on the inside!
