I’ve been thinking about you very often lately. You’ve been making me feel nervous and excited at the same time. Future, what are you doing to me?
Grown-ups talk about you very often. I’m sad to say that they seem to be worried about you. When talking about you, they always stumble upon your good friend Past. Which is something I’ll never understand. Aren’t you the one bringing us Past in the first place? If they talk about Past so fondly… why aren’t they thanking you? Isn’t the Present they should be hating? Or is it just their gray dull minds that make our world such a desolate place?
Their words made me to start thinking. My father often says: ”Where is this world heading towards?”. I never took his words in the deeper meaning. He hid behind them. I guess as I’m growing older I’m starting to understand a bit more. I’m understanding the tone he uses when saying those words. His words are filled with worry and perhaps fear. At first I didn’t quite get that, I mean, why would an adult fear you Future?
But I’m seeing it now. You’re so unpredictable. Standing over us so fearfully. I am starting to worry about you too. Everything what I do now matters, it matters because it will reflect on you. And I’m so afraid if I do something wrong now, I’ll mess up my future… I’ll mess you up. Stressing over you has been keeping me on my tip-toes. Truth be told, adults haven’t been so helpful either. I feel like there’s a cloud over my head pouring rain down on me when they talk about you, asking questions that I can’t answer. Their words hitting me like raindrops. Raindrops being little knives hurting me. Those little but many wounds sting, Future. They sting with worry and confusion about the stigma surrounding both me and you.
Strange how I didn’t worry about you when I was younger. Not a single concern. When I was five I looked forward to you. I looked forward to seeing my friends the next day. At the age of seven I was so excited to start going to school. What changed you? Or is it me, once again, missing the bigger picture?
In parallel with growing up, I’ve been forgetting about your real image. Their words and fear hid you away from me, from your real beauty.
When I pass all these obstacles that you put in front of me I still come to you. It’s always you and always will be. Whatever it is that you hold, it’s not for any of us to see. And as scary as that might sound, I was just missing the whole point of it. I don’t know anything but I am on my way to find out everything. Future, I trust you that much. I finally remember my first image of you… thinking that you’re exquisite without even seeing you.
I look forward to what you’re going to show me and teach me. I look forward to many ups and downs that are yet to come, to loving and crying. All of that leading me to many changes – to a final destination where I will meet myself as a whole and fullfilled person with a great past that once was you Future. I look forward to what you have in store for me. Make it good, surprise me.
Yours truly, Past.
